Pop a Sour Patch Kid
in my mouth just to feel something,
to feel nothing.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would feel like
to feel nothing at all.
Would it hurt?
Just numbness all the way down?
Or would it be a sweet release
from the burdens I carry around in my chest?
The unspoken feelings that seeth under my skin,
absorb into my bloodstream,
put me into a chokehold
until I truly don’t feel anything.
Is feeling nothing death?
Is no happiness or sadness or anger or empathy
a synonym for death?
Do we only get to feel nothing in death?
Because if so…
Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like
if I didn’t exist.
If Earth would just keep moving?
I have to remind myself my friends would miss me,
Sometimes, I don’t want death.
Genuinely don’t want it.
Sometimes, I just want to take a moment to truly feel nothing.
and wonder if it would hurt
as much as feeling everything all at once does.